Hitting a Wall? Parenting When You're Not OK
Parenting When You're Not OK.
Hey, fellow parents.
Everywhere I look, I see parents hitting a wall. I see it in our clinic families. I see it in the parent communities I'm part of online. I see it in my personal relationships. I see it in the New York Times. Depending on the day, I see it in my own living room.
If this is how you're feeling, please know that you're not alone.
And if this is how you're feeling, please know that we're brainstorming over here about how we might be able to help. Ever since I became a parent myself, supporting other parents has become even more of a mission and a priority for me. I worked with parents for over a decade before having my own kids-- and having your own kids really hits it home: parenting is hard. It's amazing, joyful, exhausting, infuriating. My kids are the lights of my life. I adore them. I would do anything for them. And even though I have decades of training and experience in working with parents to teach research-based parenting strategies, and to teach parents AND kids about emotion regulation, I don't always show up as a parent in the way I might like-- or in the way that I know is most likely to be effective. That was true pre-pandemic, and it's even more true now-- at this time when we are all stretched thin, when we all are coping with more stressors but less space, less time, less childcare, fewer supports, and fewer opportunities for grounding and connection.
So we're thinking hard over here about what we can offer as a support to parents in our community during this completely crazy time. If you have a few minutes to spare, please help us figure out how best to support you by completing a brief survey that will help us narrow down the ideas we are batting around! Or reply to this email if you have other specific ideas that you want to share.
Thanks in advance for your time and your feedback-- and solidarity as we all keep putting one foot in front of another. I'll be back with more ideas and information in the next few weeks; in the meantime, please check out a few of the relevant and helpful links below. And consider joining our free Parenting Through Stressful Times Facebook group for parents-- it's been pretty inactive lately (mostly because I'm also parenting through stressful times!!) but I will be giving that space more attention starting soon, and would love to have you along for the ride.
A few on-topic links I've appreciated lately:
In case you missed the link above: America's mothers are in crisis(New York Times). As one of our clinical team (and fellow mom to littles) noted, "I found this series extremely validating personally and potentially useful for clients!" Another of our clinical staff responded, "This article made its rounds with my friends this weekend and we all felt SO SEEN."
Parenting while shocked, Lisa D'Amour (New York Times). "I don’t need to be responsible for fixing everything; helping my girls process their sense that everything seems broken is enough."
Pandemic parenting: Scenes and snippets from families navigating an all-consuming crisis (New York Times)
Practicing self-care in uncertain times(New York Times). "I believe there is meaning in just acknowledging the difficult reality for parents right now, but I also try to give actionable advice for ways that parents can find rest and relief. At the same time, I know in my heart that five minutes of yoga isn’t going to fix a lot of what’s broken right now."
Related... Hitting a wall? Consider resting.(Instagram).
One of my recent favorite Insight Timer meditations(10 minutes).
A down-to-earth escape and deep dive into the world of mom influencers. Unlike scrolling Instagram, this new podcast from Jo Piazza will make you feel better about being less than perfect.
When it comes to parenting, just showing up has more power than you think(Tina Payne Bryson).
The perfect mother(Saturday Night Live).
